god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
