I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
its not stalking. its research.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
