I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
