This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
