i came on her dog
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
