At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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