Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
