shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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