dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
