okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
