I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
