People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
