its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
