You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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