Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
