Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
