i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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