you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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