I'm sorry my penis didn't work
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
NoShamevember. You game?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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