Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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