Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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