I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I party with great urgency now.
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