I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
