The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
