i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
