I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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