How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My bed smells like the plague
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
