I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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