be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Green mimosas i think yes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
