Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
