I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
