Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
