A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
