Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
