k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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