i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
accomplished twins. life is a go
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
