I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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