dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
