we made out on top of his cat.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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