Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
