Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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