Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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