Christians are straight up FREAKS
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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