Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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