how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
