Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
