I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
