I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize