I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
