I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
