M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
