Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did I show you my penis last night?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
