I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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