My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
