New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Girls should come with a carfax report
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
