Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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