i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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