my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
