I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
