Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
