I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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