If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We need to feng shui this bitch.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
