no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
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dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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