Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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