were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
