i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
