I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
