oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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