I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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