Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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