no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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