my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize