okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
