I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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